(Her)story

The one thing that I have always struggled with is getting up early. Clearly not a morning person. Always late for school until it became a concerning topic at a parent-teacher conference. If there was one thing I would change with my job, it would definitely be later  starting times. It is not as important as it is now than when we were little. Not much of a issue back then. Ah the good old days. Not much to say but just to reminiscence, warming up something inside. I moved from a busy industrial area to a quiet retirement town. It’s been about 14 years now and I still miss my old town. The people, the atmosphere (not the pollution) and just the life I had there. Seems like it had been the easy life but then again I was just a kid. Adulting is not that cool sometimes.

So with the move came quite a bit of changes. Changed with the loss of a loved one. And then it was like we had to build this mini Lego block house again. I mean there are so many tiny pieces that frustrate the nuts out of you but with the grace of God, we overcame it all. We had to get used to the quietness though. Building this house required a plan. A sense of direction. The big picture. Something we did not even think of. Imagine building a 1000 piece puzzle without having a picture to look at. Seems crazy but that is how we grew. Oh yes, the “we”. Well its mum, dad, sister (annoying one) and then there is me. Not one of those big busy families. Just a small one, living life one day at a time. Family? Yes there is. Your supposedly first companions and best friends. So true. But sometimes I feel like taking my small family and moving so far away and start again. Well if those Lego blocks weren’t so expensive then maybe.

I have realised that loyalty makes you family. My one has the habit of making me heart-sore. That pain has now eased into me writing. This is definitely helping me. Imagine being left out of everything that happens? I know I should not feel sad and not worry about it but it does and it did. I somehow take all that pain and make a big rubber band ball inside me, hoping it would bounce away and I could push it, watching it roll away, leading to a ‘don’t care attitude’. I can be stubborn. If you have upset me, you would definitely know this because I will never be able to look at you in your eye. So every time I just have to pretend everything is okay. I might have a mouthful that I want to say but when the time comes, I realize its not worth it. Really do not want to be in this place. I have sent out my resume to over 50 schools even those abroad. With no successful response. Direction?

Honestly have no idea.

 

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