(Be)aUtiful

Every morning I am woken up to the soft and warm touch of the sun trying to crawl its way into my room through a loop in my room curtain. What a marvelous way to get up each morning.. Getting kissed by the sun. Africa is a beautiful land. No matter what you may have heard and experienced, it is definitely one of God’s greatest creations. From luscious trees that glimmer and in the rain and shine their precious colors, to the most amazing and intelligent animals that makes our land strong and to its amazing people, who stand strong in unity and acceptance of each other. No wonder the world has so much negative things to say about Africa, they’re just jealous

 

It is finally the end of the first school quarter. I finally have the chance to take those deep breaths and exhale. The holidays are just around the corner. A chance to not worry about what a child is putting in their mouth or drawing on their books. I will definitely miss the bubbly lot of kids. Sometimes one would wish that adults were as honest and care free as kids are. As a teacher, you would hear every single incident that happens at home which becomes a topic of discussion the very next morning. Discussion topics fluctuate from seasons to the beach and then to what daddy did that made mommy very cross. No matter what happens at home or even what you were saying to your neighbor, you can be certain that your toddler will broadcast it at school as soon as possible.

When I think about my preschooler’s lives, I become heart-sore. The world has somehow transformed the loving family home into a home where it is normal to have 3 step dads in a row. Without therapy, this ultimately affects the child emotionally, cognitively, socially and physically. It sounds far-fetched but it is true. Most of my preschoolers have single parents, more than 2 step parents, in the middle of nasty divorces, living with grandparents and abandoned. What kind of a world do we live in if we neglect and not show the love that a child needs to develop into the next generation of leaders and family makers? How will they grow up knowing that family and love only exists partially and not all the time? People may not know about it but as a teacher, it becomes noticeable in the child’s life.

If you had the chance of reigniting that match to start the fire of love and family, what would you do first?

Love of course

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(An)other Day

Today I feel calm and relieved. Really think this writing works. Even though I’ve got no views or reads… Well anyway God has been good. I’ve been presented with an opportunity today except for the fact that it requires me to speak in an entirely different language, one with which I’m not so familiar with let alone be fluent in. I guess there is no harm in trying. I have been trying for a couple of years now. Don’t get me wrong. The school that I am in is amazing! My first working experience will always be the best one for me. I feel at home and the people I work with are phenomenal! The parents and vibe is one I definitely live for. But I know for sure that this school is not where I am going to be forever. I know that something better is coming my way.

Just that I have no clue when this package will arrive.

For now I guess I would have to wait. Waiting is not one of my strongest forte. Patience is definitely not one of my virtues however, I do have this weird patience with children. When I look at them, my world just seems to stop and I have to focus my all on them. I have a bold course voice which sometimes sounds scary (I think) and I try to talk softly. In a child’s eyes, everything seems okay and beautiful.

What about friends? Aren’t they supposed to be keeping me in check? Well friends have come and gone. Seems like I have lost all so called my friends. From schooling years to college years. All are just a social media contact. Their excuse would be that I do not start conversations which is true, but neither do they. I don’t need to be a botheration or to have pity on. That is something I winch my eyebrows for. So I have just begun to let things be. As the saying goes

You get what you get

That is exactly what I have decided to do. One of the reason why I would love to move away is that. Find and make new relationships with different people. I am sure that there are loyal people out there.

(Her)story

The one thing that I have always struggled with is getting up early. Clearly not a morning person. Always late for school until it became a concerning topic at a parent-teacher conference. If there was one thing I would change with my job, it would definitely be later  starting times. It is not as important as it is now than when we were little. Not much of a issue back then. Ah the good old days. Not much to say but just to reminiscence, warming up something inside. I moved from a busy industrial area to a quiet retirement town. It’s been about 14 years now and I still miss my old town. The people, the atmosphere (not the pollution) and just the life I had there. Seems like it had been the easy life but then again I was just a kid. Adulting is not that cool sometimes.

So with the move came quite a bit of changes. Changed with the loss of a loved one. And then it was like we had to build this mini Lego block house again. I mean there are so many tiny pieces that frustrate the nuts out of you but with the grace of God, we overcame it all. We had to get used to the quietness though. Building this house required a plan. A sense of direction. The big picture. Something we did not even think of. Imagine building a 1000 piece puzzle without having a picture to look at. Seems crazy but that is how we grew. Oh yes, the “we”. Well its mum, dad, sister (annoying one) and then there is me. Not one of those big busy families. Just a small one, living life one day at a time. Family? Yes there is. Your supposedly first companions and best friends. So true. But sometimes I feel like taking my small family and moving so far away and start again. Well if those Lego blocks weren’t so expensive then maybe.

I have realised that loyalty makes you family. My one has the habit of making me heart-sore. That pain has now eased into me writing. This is definitely helping me. Imagine being left out of everything that happens? I know I should not feel sad and not worry about it but it does and it did. I somehow take all that pain and make a big rubber band ball inside me, hoping it would bounce away and I could push it, watching it roll away, leading to a ‘don’t care attitude’. I can be stubborn. If you have upset me, you would definitely know this because I will never be able to look at you in your eye. So every time I just have to pretend everything is okay. I might have a mouthful that I want to say but when the time comes, I realize its not worth it. Really do not want to be in this place. I have sent out my resume to over 50 schools even those abroad. With no successful response. Direction?

Honestly have no idea.

 

Relent(less)

Relentless. Saying the word so many times in my mind made it sound funny. Definition? Well I would say unstoppable just like my group of preschoolers when they find out I’m giving them a sweet treat. Why relentless? Basically I refuse to surrender. I refuse to surrender to the world and the trap that it puts you in. I refuse to surrender to people who need you only when it suits them. Actually i’m just tired of it.

Why a blog? I’ve been binge watching Jane the Virgin and have become fascinated with how writing helps her deal with everyday situations. She becomes so engrossed and deep into it that it reveals a rather satisfying outcome amidst all circumstances that life literally throws at her face.  Well i wanted to be like Jane (Not the pregnant virgin part) but to express and delve deep into something I have no clue about. Maybe there is someone out there who just needs a free face-lift after all that stuff has been thrown to their face.

I am the 25 year old teacher of an energetic bunch of preschoolers living somewhere in Africa, born and bred. I love my country. Most amazing landscapes, people, culture and food. Even with its glitches and struggles, you would definitely have to catch your breath by just being here.

If there was a way to define who I am, I would say a child of God

My favourite song too. Being a child of this amazing God overwhelms me with unending joy and peace. Every time I close my eyes, I smile knowing that God has my back. And sometimes I have to remind myself of that. No I am not perfect, I’m more imperfect than anyone. Being a christian does not mean I’m perfect. It just means I believe in a love so strong that not even death could even come close. I am so imperfect that this God had let his own die for me. What is that? I say its grace…

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